I met someone years ago,things moved fast and years seemed to speed by. Until 6 years after it had all begun we realised the truth but after so long…it was hard to not talk,to know fill eachother in, so…we still did. 5 years after we had split we were still friends and spoke every day. We had our rows Lol. But spoke at least 3 hours out of everyday and a hour on sundays due to his zero tolerance of doing anything that required too much brain power on Sundays lol it was like a religion,Lol. Then, he was gone. During a operation he stopped breathing and they couldn’t get him back. You know we cry differently at some points for different things but I remember them as gulps of pain where I just couldn’t stop and couldn’t get enough air. It was like someone had hit my heart with such force I was waiting for it to break in two. Our lives had gone it’s seperate ways. I’d moved away and we hadn’t seen eachother in 2 years, I was a 3 months away from meeting up for a chat. He’d got married and I’d had a relationship since and was settled into single life again. But we always expected eachother to be there. This was not supposed to happen.

Those next days were hard…it took me three days to tell my son who had called him dad since he was small,it was heart breaking. But I’m not here to tell you something you expect…

I while later I was talking to Hewhoshouldbeobeyed I had earlier that day got upset over him using the word “whatever” and it hadn’t been the first time either and as much as I tried little things like that kept happening. But despite the name I give him, hewhoshouldbeobeyed is a wonderful person,he honestly is. And I was doing damage but was afraid of admitting why. The next day I looked at my old messages with my friend. Since he had passed away I hadn’t looked at them but now…They were easy to find. Long emails of him talking telling me off for imaginary things. He’d always do that. He had done for years , it becomes so ingrained that you begin saying sorry for things before you’ve been accused. He’d name call, and say “whatever” when I begged forgivness for whatever he had said I had done now. If he was wrong about something he would get angry and then blame it on something else. He was always right and never wrong. They say you can’t speak badly of the dead but there is a lot more to it and this is why I’m saying this now. When you are with someone like that they train you to not do the things that upset them. You follow invisable rules because you know what they wont like but when someone questions it you ignore what they say because you don’t want to admit the truth. One of my friends disliked him and I messaged her and asked her why and she said” I hate to speak ill of the dead but he was controlling and you would get quiet when he was having ago at you, you couldn’t see what he was”She was right. Even after we split he would still get upset over the smallest thing. You might not understand why a friend is with someone ,you might think they can do better and you might be right,you might think their partner is controlling and you are probably right. But they aren’t ready to face the truth. Because the truth means admitting what you are going through. And admitting it isn’t all good after all. You can walk away from that friend but that is exactly what their partner wants because then there is no other opinion but theirs and then they can control that persons opinions on everything. So don’t. If you can bear it then stay talking to your friends who are going through it,even if it’s at a safe distance let them know you are there. People do leave and when they do, they need their friends.

 

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